Card 13

In Tarot, the 13th major arcana card is Death. This card is actually quite misleading as it appears to be terrifying. "Death" does not mean the actually dying of a person, but it does mean the end of an event, or a certain period in life. With every end comes a new beginning. It is a card that represents change, moving on, and transformation. This card can be taken in both a positive or a negative light. Change is hard, and we often cling on to what we know because the future is uncertain, and we fear what we do not know. However, change also brings new adventures and create new memories.

I have always loved change. I like the idea of experiencing something new. However, I suppose I have never cherished any situation as much as I have cherished my time in Vancouver. My 4 years as a business student at UBC is quickly coming to a stop and I can't help but feel a certain sense of desperation to hold onto what I had. Although I understand that my next semester abroad will fulfill every moment of wanderlust that I have dreamed about, I'm scared.

As much as I love Vancouver, I’m not planning on staying here after graduation/my semester abroad. It is just too hard to find a fulfilling career in this city. Truly, it is extremely bittersweet. Perhaps the best way to put it into word is if we were to call Vancouver my first love. When I met him, I was too optimistic. I didn’t know and I didn’t understand. He taught me so much. How to speed up and how to slow down. How to appreciate life, love myself, and set my sights far. Perhaps that was his mistake; he taught me too much, showed me too much. I out grew him. Or I think I have. Vancouver became too slow for me… too comforting, patient and agreeable. I’m lured away by better, bigger, brighter things. Yet, Vancouver loves me still and there’s a part of me that still loves him. No one else in my future will be able to compare, at least not in the same ways. Perhaps one day, I’ll return to him with the best intentions. After my curiosity has been filled and after my goals are reached… or not. Whether I’ll come back battered and torn, or smiling and triumphant, he’ll always be here, waiting, with his warm, soft, comforting embrace.

As I sat in a way too adorable cafe during exam week, it struck me how privileged I was to be in such beautiful city and live a life so many 21st century metropolitan girls have dreamed of… I lived in the cutest apartment with one of my best friends, just a block away from the beach. A block away in the opposite direction is where I sat lamenting life, sipping green juice after cappuccino. Across the street from my favorite vintage consignment store, boutique wine shop, macaron bakery, where I pick up local produce & fresh blooms, and where I found my fishies: Dot & Honey. It is so very odd how when we move into a city, all we know are the tourist landmarks and our address. Yet when you leave, you are leaving behind way more. In my case, I’ll be leaving behind salty ocean waves, the smell of constant rain on the pavement, and of course the never ending supply of authentic food from every corner of the world (this one is where it really hurts haha).

Regardless, I will try to embrace the change in whatever way that I can. As for now, all I can do is hope for the best and reminisce my time here... perhaps as a reminder to my future self on how lucky I have been:

Dear 27 year old Ally,

How have you been? I hope that the past 5 years has been the most exhilarating, adventurous, and inspiring years yet. As they say, hindsight is 20/20. I would love to get your insight on how far I’ve come in the past years. What has happened that brought me to where I currently stand? What is your opinion on my current state of desperation and confusion? I know that I love the career path that I have chosen, but will there be any regrets on my university years? I know I have way too many questions and you are likely unable to answer most of them, because that is just how life is. People just sort of fall into a certain route because choosing something that is easy is often the most convenient choice, and being in the realistic working world has tired myself out. However, I hope you remember how much I am struggling on this particular day as I finally decided to type out this document. How frustrated I am by my future and how hard I’m trying to grasp hold of a sliver of opportunity that is uniquely mine. How much I’m willing to sacrifice to work in a strategic marketing role in high fashion. Did that come true? I don’t mind if it didn’t, but if that is the case, I hope that I have a good reason. Perhaps my priorities changed, or maybe I found something that I love more, or I was offered another opportunity that I could not deny?

With all my questions aside, now is a good time to remind myself of who I used to be and what I used to want. Whether that has changed during the past 5 years or not. During my time at Sauder, there were several things that I have gathered, ranging from academic to professional to personal. So rather than breaking these learnings into categories, it feels more natural to list them chronologically.

• Supply & Demand – Econ 101 was perhaps the most memorable class of Freshmen Year, especially with Prof Gatemen’s “Assume Nothing” speeches. Beyond that is the concept of supply and demand, something completely new to me, yet something familiarized by my observations during retail therapy. Beyond any monetary terms though, I have also learned to apply this concept through various facets of life, such as my current dilemma in finding a fulfilling career. The job market is just like any other market, except firms are creating demand rather than supply in this circumstance.

• The difference between cost & worth – Another notable concept I gathered during econ, is the idea that cost and worth does not always equate. At least in terms of money. There is this cost called “opportunity cost” and that encompasses past the value we can physically hold, but to values we systematically calculate in our head. This has been a defining point in my life, as every decision I make today, and in the days after today (I hope) has been placed on a value scale. Every action I take requires me to consider whether it is “worth” what I want to pay.

• Independence – Summer of Freshmen Year was the first time in my life when I fully understood that “being alone does not mean you are lonely, and being lonely does not mean you are alone”. While I moved away from my hometown of Calgary, my first school year was spent on residence with a floor of girls that I have the privilege to call friends. This summer was spent fully by myself, alone in a sublet unit with no friends to support me. I learned to become independent during these 4 months and I hope that is something that I can carry during the next 5 years.

• A brief insight on the world of marketing – Do you remember that moment when Intro to Marketing changed everything? From someone who had no idea what to do with life and was pressured into going into business school to someone who stumbled upon her dream career? Even now, I think about how lucky it is that I found my perfect mix of creativity, strategic planning, and sociology. I truly hope that I can maintain this feeling in the years to come.

• Agency life – Where my love for marketing was truly put to the test as I started my first advertising internship at Fred & Farid in Shanghai. It was amazing how sleep deprived yet energetic I was every day I went to work. I saw marketing in the real world for the first time and it amazed me at how much effort was put into a single idea. Yet you were so driven by the prospect that this idea, your idea, might be able to change the world. More importantly, how the entire world is built off these ideas that anonymous people created and how culture and prospective have shifted because of them.

• Work Politics – With work, I also learned about office politics. Growing up, I always thought petty office drama or unfair treatment belonged on TV, or in the 50’s. Imagine when I found out that a modern, international agency exemplified everything stereotypical on Mad Men. People gossiped. The glass ceiling is real. Some managers and clients were terrible at their job yet everyone still loved them for some weird reason. All that said though, I got through it all and learned to play off my strengths. Thinking back now, I find myself a bit naïve at times… Probably how you think of me in 2017.

• Comm 462: Everything communicates – 4th year classes was when everything changed. I loved going to class because everything felt more like a discussion rather than a lecture. During IMC, I found that importance is in the details. Every detail… as every detail shows a streak of what you want, or not want to communicate.

• Comm 389: Do NOT creativity for creativity’s sake – Apparently, Oscar Wilde was not exactly right all the time. In this day and age, we cannot afford to be creative just because. In fact, creativity loves constraint, and purpose. Given my career choice, creativity is a skill I am constantly “selling” to those who want to buy. Whether it is myself, a client, or the millions of souls out there who knows what they like but not how they like it. To make creativity stand out in a world occupied with media overexposure, it must be valuated in some sense.

• Comm 486M: Working within a conflicting team environment – I have truly gotten lucky during my time at Sauder. This is perhaps the first class that brought 5 people together where we could not smoothly get things done. Perhaps this is the purpose of Strategic Decision Making. You have to make hard choices and sacrifices, but in the real world you are not doing it alone. You must make this choice with a group of people with uncommon goals. By the end of the term, my group have started to work well together. However, the entire process has shown me the importance of standing in a different POV and striving for a common goal.

• Personal future career goals – I hope that in 5 years, I get to do the thing I most want to right now and apply all that I have learned but learn even more. Perhaps I’ll be working at mid management at LVMH… or perhaps not. Whatever the case is though, I hope that I become someone my 22 year old self right now, can be proud of.

During my first year in UBC, I questioned my decision to come to university. Did I really just pay this much to “learn” soft skills and concepts that I can Google? I firmly believed that these 4 years will come to fruition in the form of a piece of paper and nothing else. However, a lot has changed. In all of my time here but this last year in particular, I began to sense a transition in my world view and how much value I place on certain objects or ideals. I came to Vancouver as an optimistic wide-eyed little girl with a very sheltered outlook on life. Myself right now, is someone who is more mature (I hope) and realistic. I would not necessarily say that I now see the world as grey or dingy, but more as efficient with a serving of selfishness. With that word though, I also do not mean it as a bad thing. Humans are conditionally flawed irrational creatures and we tend to value our own happiness above society’s efforts to evolve, yet somehow, that is perfectly okay. As Sir Author Conan Doyle said “What are we all? Poor silly half-brained things peering out at the infinite, with the aspirations of angels and the instinct of beasts.”

With love,

22 year old Ally

#Change #Vancouver #Growingup